My Beautiful Life

I can’t believe how fast time flies by. I remember being excited to turn 16, for no reason. Then I was excited to turn 18 because I could finally buy blacks (disgusting), can’t believe I ever smoked those. I got into my first REAL relationship when I was 18 and i remember the day like it we yesterday. Now, in 3 weeks Im turning 21. Five years has literally just flew. I took those years for granted thinking it was going to last forever. Now here I am kind of in shock that those years are gone. Life moves forward without us even noticing. Appreciate everything you have in this very moment because, in one or two years from now it’s all going to be different.

I’m finally feeling independent. I’m making my own money and don’t have to rely on Richie. Im taking care of mine and then his if he needs it. This has made me realize all I really need in my life is me and my daughter. How does it sound if I say Richie is just an accessory I my life ? Like, I depended on him for 2 and a half years and I finally am done with that. If I were to lose him tomorrow then I would be ok, financially and emotionally. Don’t get me wrong I looove him. But if HE made the decision to leave I’d be ok. If he were to leave 2 years ago I’d be in pieces. Im very proud of myself, noone has told me they’re proud of me but as long as I know I’m doing the right thing that’s all that matters.

I’m so in love with my life. I have an amazing daughter and she has a great father and that’s all I want, for her to be happy and she might be the happiest little girl I’ve ever seen. Going back to what I believe in “everything happens for a reason” I believe God gave me a blessing in disguise. I had a miscarriage in September of 2009 and then found out i was pregnant in feb 2010 and believe it was because Laila was meant to be in this world. I mean, who knows, maybe she is someone who’s gunna discover something great or just have a big impact on SOMETHING. I can’t wait to see the amazing things my baby is going to accomplish. I truly think she’s here to do something great, to be something great

Lailas getting so big. She’s learning something new everyday. My favorite parts of my day with her are when we wake up, go to sleep and everything in between. This little girl is my heart. I love when she wakes up taps me and says “mama”. Like hello mom I’m awake now !! Lol. She really enjoys making me and her dad laugh. It’s kinda like that’s what she looks forward to during the day,well, that and food ;) she’s such a little porka ! She loves seeing us happy as much as we love seeing her happy. If we’re laughing she’s happy. Night time is hard putting her to sleep but whenever she gives me her big hugs and kisses it doesn’t even matter if she goes to bed anymore. Her hugs are the best thing in the world. I’m very lucky she’s a mommys girl too :D. These days are the days worth remembering, and I will neverrrr forget them

I think it’s so funny when those moms that preachhh that you need to be with your child at all times when your not working and all that ish, go out partying ! Lol !!!! Like hypocrite much ? How are you gunna try to rash and put down these other moms who do it when you do it too ? There’s nothing wrong with it. We’re young still. We can have a child and have sometime to ourselves too. Just don’t point fingers when your hands are dirty too boo :-*

I truly believe everything happens for a reason. People come in and out of our lives to teach us something. Whether its to appreciate what we have or to let go of something that isn’t right for us anymore. I’m just trying to figure out what this person has to do with my life ? Why did I meet this person? You might think theres no significance but there has to be. God wouldn’t have put this person here if it wasn’t for a reason. Feeling some sort of way, very confused. I can’t let it go.

Everybody will have an opinion on your way of life. Someone doesn’t agree with it and someone else does. You can’t make them happy. I wish people would realize that it’s youuuur life ! Your living it and YOU have to deal with the consequences of every decision you make. As long as you 100% happy with what your doing then who gives a flying fuck about what anyone else has to think about it ! You wanna be able to grow old and look back and have a positive look on how you lived life. No regrets. A lot of young mothers don’t agree with taking a night or two off to have some fun. Or don’t agree with drinking once in a while. I do it ! I’m not ashamed in ANY way I love my daughter to absolute pieces. Of course I don’t do it every night and when I do I wait until she’s asleep. But that’s besides the point. Their are gunna be so many people who will talk shit saying I’m a bad mom ! But I don’t care because I KNOW I’m not. When it’s my time to die I’m the one doing the dyeing not anyone else and as long as I’m happy how my life has went then that’s all that matters. No matter what you do your going to be judged. If you think your doing the right thing someone else thinks its the wrong thing. It’s a never ending cycle. Live your life, be happy with yourself and don’t listen to the people that are gunna try and bring you down !

Today was my daughters first birthday party. I can’t believe she is one years old already. Time goes by so quick, I’m cherishing every moment I have with my baby, before I know it she’s gonna be 18 and ready to move out :. She had so much fun today and it made me SO happy to see her happy :D. Not to mention the tons of toys she got ! It was like christmas morning lol. I love my daughter more than words could say <3

Being a mom you dont need people in your life anymore. Once you have a baby the importance of friends goes away a little, at least for me it did. I used to get sooo mad when my ‘friends’ didnt wanna hang out with me and my daughter but i realized i dont neeed them. Like, they’re nice to have around and to talk to but if i were never to talk to them again I’d be ok. Does that sound mean ? Maybe people will get what i mean when they have kids ! Lol

Nov. 12, 2010 was literally the best day of my life. My beautiful Princess was born. She’s the best thing thats ever happened to me. You never really think you can love someone so much, then you have a child. She’s so little but she takes up my whole heart. In my opinion, all you people that say you don’t want kids, you’re really missing out on an amazing experience. You will never know true love until you have a baby. I love it because its like, someone needs me. I love taking care of my little munchkin. She knows how much I love her and I know how much she loves me. It makes it even better that she was a planned baby. Sometimes people are bitter towards their child because they weren’t ready for them. They still want to party 24/7 and don’t want to settle down. My daughter has made me SUCH a better person. I don’t know where I’d be today without her. I have a better attitude towards people and a happier outlook on life. My daughter deserves the best and I try my hardest everyday to make sure that’s what she’s going to get :)